"Youre in such a hurry to grow up"
That is what he said to me today. Lets go back in time though.
When I was in high school, I wanted to just get out. In fact, I wanted to move to the bumfuck middle of nowhere or at least a place surrounded by nature. I wanted to see trees, creeks, or plains when I looked out my window, not houses. I wanted a koi pond and an altar outside. I wanted children and a husband and to be free. I wanted...security.
Now lets go forward. I want to get out and move to the bumfuck middle of nowhere...well somewhere in the forest. I want to see trees when I look out my window, not houses. I want a koi pond that surrounds my altar outside. I want children and to be with this guy I love so much forever and to be...free.Wait...same thing is it not?
So maybe it isnt so much that Im in a hurry to grow up, just in a hurry to finish a dream I have carried with me for over four years and havent even started on. I know that Im jealous of all of my friends with children...they made it work. Hell the best friend I have in the previous post is a babysitter...and that is it. I have a job and likely make double (if not triple) of what she does. But theyre making it work!
again...happy for her...just jealous.
It really didnt help since it was something I wanted but got back on the pill to make him feel better. That is ok though because now I am doing stuff for me. I need to start living this dream I had when I was a teenager. Clearly it was more than some little phase. No, I want need this serenity. I havent had a place of my own to just chill in years. It is clearly not that I want to grow up too fast but rather Im just stuck being a jealous teenager even at the age of 21. I hate him sometimes...I really do.
